chuckles

Will: What are you passionate about?
Maggie: Define passion
Will: I don't know, like, what you spent a lot of time doing because you enjoy it...
 Maggie Oh. I guess I'm passionate about creating stuff... and reading things on the internet... yeaa.

Liz: I found your sock.
Maggie: Thanks! I didn't know I was missing a sock.
Liz: Yeah, it was the black and gray socks I commented on the other day. It was in the apartment's laundry room.
Maggie: ...I don't do my laundry there. 
Liz: ... Well, I stole a sock for you then.

California Aliens

Audri: I'm a bit irritated
Maggie: Why, what's wrong?
Audri: I was trying to have a deep conversation with Kyle and he wasn't very responsive.
Maggie: What did you try talking about?
Audri: I wanted to know what he thought would happen if aliens invaded California. 
Maggie: ...What kind of aliens?
Audri: Like Sixth sense high tech aliens... 
Maggie: Audri, I don't know what to say either.
Audri: Yeah, but at least you asked me what kind of aliens! You're ahead of the game! He didn't even inquire  about or propose a possible scenario of what the aliens would do.

I’ve recently adopted a helpful routine to keep my inner critic in check. Whatever I am doing, I try to pause once in awhile and ponder, “Am I torturing myself?” If the answer is no, then everything is okay. I’m doing the right thing. If the answer is yes, then I widen my eyes really big and look around me, suspiciously, wondering why I am torturing myself? Really. I don’t want to suffer and nobody else wants me to suffer. Right? If someone does, then I try to spend my time more constructively figuring out how to torture them. As I imagine all the ways to torture someone, I’m having so much fun I forget that I’m suffering! It’s great. Moral of the routine story: be kind to yourself.

urges

Nick: Sometimes, I have the urge to either kiss or punch in the face the person I'm sitting next to.
Audri: I'm never sitting next to you.
Maggie: I can relate, sometimes while I'm driving I have the urge to run into the people on the sidewalk.
Nick: Oh man, you need help.

pancakes

Audri: Dude, free pancakes at IHOP.
Maggie: Sweet, what's the catch?
Audri: We're supposed to like leave a donation for kids... but its not required.

Adult Maggie: Hi child Maggie, how are you today?
Child Maggie: I'm tired. and bored. and feel sick.
Adult Maggie: Wow, you're more in tuned with yourself than I am. 
Child Maggie: After I rest a bit, lets do adventure time. You steer the ship and I'll navigate you. In the mean time, you should probably clean up your cat's litter box - it smells funny and is making me sick.

Maggie: I feel so stupid. I think I'm brain damaged.

Julia: Stop reading things on the internet. You're just depressed.

cookies

Audri: I got girl scout cookies!
Maggie: Yay! What girl scout cookie did you jump?
Audri: Uhh you mean what girl scout did I jump?
Maggie: I meant what I said.
Audri: Yes. Well the cookie tried to gyp me 2 dollars!
Maggie: How old was she?
Audri: I don't know, maybe in first grade? I gave her a 10 and she just said thanks! And I was like eh. I could have donated 2 dollars to her, but she just was not cute enough.

Music

Audri: Turn off this bitch music
Maggie: What's bitch music?
Audri: This shit you're listening to.